kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
Yesterday's assessment went really well. [personal profile] gridlore came with me, and was a marvel - volunteering information when I was trying to clarify or had obvious mental blocks (like the fact that I was predominantly raised by my great-grandmother, who was a single mother of two during the Great Depression, and as such had her own set of Issues about food), without making it seem like this was all his idea and I was just along for the ride. The psych who did the assessment is going to talk with my primary physician, get some corroborating information, start pounding on my insurance company, and then circle back to me next week so we can set a game plan.

And then Doug and I went to dinner, and he had two huge beers (probably three pints' worth in two glasses)...and once he was drunk he gave me the most amazing pep talk, talking about how very proud he is of me for doing this, and how he knows I'm going to be fucking well terrified at points, but that he'll be there to support me, and so will all my friends, and how he knows I can do this because I'm so bloody GOOD at everything I set my mind to - when I can just. fucking. STOP sabotaging myself.... He probably went on for twenty minutes, including acknowledging at least once that he had deliberately gotten himself this drunk because he knew he couldn't have said half of it to me otherwise, and I cried a lot and laughed more than a little and we held hands and smiled like fools and it was absolutely everything I could have hoped for.

And then we took a leisurely drive home so we could look at Christmas lights, including the one house up the road from us that I really ought to get pictures of because my GOD it's unreal. How you get that many lights on a single-story house that can't be over 1000 square feet, I can't tell you. (Though it does involve giving up the use of the garage for the month so they can put a display in the driveway. I kid you not.)
kshandra: Graffiti of hands ripping open a dress shirt, Superman fashion, to reveal the word FAIL (FAIL)
Originally posted to DW Nov. 28th, 2011 07:14 pm; LJ has angered its Russian overlords again, and crossposting is hit or miss. Mostly miss. I've given up on it actually posting to LJ at this point, but whatever.

[livejournal.com profile] gridlore has been having a rough time of it (relative to his daily life), so I thought I'd cheer him up and let him know I bought his wintergift today.

His only reaction was to dejectedly point out that he can't afford to get me anything.
kshandra: Mock Scrabble board square reading "Triple Nerd Score" (Triple Nerd Score)
As some of you will recall, [personal profile] gridlore has an early-model Asus Eee PC. In a moment of supreme overconfidence, we opted at the time not to spend the extra $100 to get the Windows XP model, figuring the interface on the *nix version would be easy enough for him to figure out.

Yeah, about that....

And so, poor Mr. Bigglesworth has been languishing in a drawer since we got back from Montreal two summers ago (where he didn't get all that much use, either); his OS hasn't been updated since we brought him home. With another WorldCon staring us in the face, Doug's starting to plan ahead, and realizing how nice it would be if we weren't jockeying for time on my laptop (which, amazingly, still doesn't have a name) when we're back in the hotel room.

I know some of my local geeks have Eees. Some of you might even have the Windows version (shock and surprise). Just how complicated (and/or expensive) will it be for us to get Windows installed? (Getting the present OS updated to the current version is suboptimal, but if our only other option is "buy a new netbook with Windows already installed," we'll take it.)

Okay, okay. I was prepared for heated conversation, but I'm getting it in unexpected areas. Thus far, almost everyone who has weighed in on the subject does this for a living, which is nice, but you don't know that about each other. Rather than risk the possibility of watching people I like get annoyed with each other, I'm going to close comments. If you have assistance to offer me, feel free to do so in PMs.
kshandra: Six hearts in rainbow colors, linked in a star pattern around an infinity symbol (Polyamory)
The next person to make a Star Wars Day reference about my wedding anniversary is getting shoved out the airlock.

[personal profile] gridlore and I were married May 4, 1991, because it was the Saturday closest to the one-year anniversary of our roadtrip to see the Dead, and his proposal on the trip home. For all that we met through our mutual interest in science fiction, that interest had NOTHING to do with our wedding plans.

(Besides, if we'd wanted a fannishly-significant wedding, we would have chosen November 22nd, he would have been dressed like Jon Pertwee, and I would have worn Romana's scarf from "Destiny of the Daleks" in lieu of a veil.)

As you were.
kshandra: (Wedding)
There's only one occasion that matters today.

Happy Anniversary, [livejournal.com profile] gridlore.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Respect The Poon)
It started on the phone:

[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: [livejournal.com profile] tychobrahe is taking me out for coffee. Should I be afraid?
[livejournal.com profile] firestrike: No clue. Your virtue is probably safe, though.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: WHAT virtue? ;-)
[livejournal.com profile] firestrike: Precisely. He wouldn't be able to find it.

It's continuing at home:

[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: My skin has smelled like sulfur for a week. Am I turning into a dragon?
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore: I've been married far too long to give ANY kind of answer to that.

I'm gonna go hide, now....


Mar. 2nd, 2009 07:23 pm
kshandra: long-haired woman silhouetted against a stormy sky (Bad)
My sister-in-law [livejournal.com profile] laurellady is dead.

Take all the time you need for that part to sink in - I know it's kind of abrupt, but that's pretty much how I found out about it. I was in the bedroom reading, with the intention of taking a nap, when [livejournal.com profile] gridlore came in to tell me about [livejournal.com profile] madelineusher's post.

I always wanted to be closer to her. We had a fair number of (what I thought were) significant things in common - both bigger girls, both poly, both chronically depressed - and the few times we did have the chance to talk, we always seemed to have such a rapport. And when I learned that she and [livejournal.com profile] isomeme were splitting up, and that her mental health was a factor in it, I had so much empathy for her, because my relationship with [livejournal.com profile] dafydd ended similarly. (I had - have - empathy for both of them, really, because I'm far enough away from it now that I know dafydd made the right decision, and that we're both healthier people as a result.) But I didn't know how to reach out to her...I guess nobody did, really.

[livejournal.com profile] madelineusher called me about an hour ago; Doug and I both got to talk to her, and she actually laughed while she was on the phone with him. We'll be worried about her for a while, but it sounds like she's got support where she is.

...I'm just gonna sit here and be weirded out for a while.
kshandra: (Wedding)
(*wonders absently how many distinct earworms that phrase spawns*)

Couples meme, courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] baxil, [livejournal.com profile] serenejournal and no doubt others....

Because I don't have enough sense to go to bed at this hour )
kshandra: (Wedding)
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore is watching Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America.

Voiceover: ...£2,000.00.
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore: That's a ton of money.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: *flips Doug off*
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore: ...WHAT?
kshandra: long-haired woman silhouetted against a stormy sky (Bad)
(Some of this may be triggery for people, and I apologize for that in advance. But it's important enough to me not to put it behind a cut tag.)

[livejournal.com profile] gridlore and I had more than a little bit of a rude awakening last weekend, at the concert. When we failed to acquire priority parking along with our tickets, I blithely stated, "Oh, that's okay, we'll just take BART." It's certainly convenient enough; there's a walkway connecting the two. Distance not being my strong suit, however, I never quite grokked just how long the walk was from the station to the arena.

Here's a map for the uninitiated. Pay no attention to the blue line beyond that first white dot; their walking directions are a very rough beta, and it shows. But Points A and B are as close to accurate as makes no difference. Now, remember that Doug had had a really long, tiring week at work, was fighting some sort of bug, and had been dealing with random muscle cramps in his legs for a day or two.

I still couldn't keep up with him. And 2/3 of the path from the station to the Arena is DOWNHILL.

I never actually burst into tears, but it was a very near thing. When I could breathe enough to speak, I told him "Now you understand why I've been so insistent that I need a scooter for Montreal next summer."

But goddamnit, this is no way to live.

I always swore that as long as the rest of my health wasn't being affected, I wasn't going to give a damn about my weight. If I lost some, fabulous, but if I didn't, it wasn't the end of the world. Obviously, that's no longer the case. I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks, a follow-up for the medication she put me on in October (which I have to confess I've not been very compliant with over the holidays). When I go in, I'm going to talk to her about a more aggressive weight loss plan...


...and this time, I'm no longer ruling out surgical intervention.

With the exception of the few of you on my f'list who have made that decision for yourselves, I simply cannot convey to you how UTTERLY FUCKING TERRIFIED I am right now. I've got a lot of research to do in the next few months, and a lot of work. It's going to be difficult as hell, and I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you about the voice in the back of my head saying "...but what if I fail?"

For once, there's a simple answer to that question: If I fail, I condemn myself to gradually decreased mobility, the loss of my ability to do so many of the things I love...and ultimately, I die. Yeah, I know we all do - but if there's a way for me to make it happen later, rather than sooner, I need to do it.

I owe it to [livejournal.com profile] meglimir. To [livejournal.com profile] smileystickman. To [livejournal.com profile] peaberry. To [livejournal.com profile] banesidhe.


I'm screening all comments on this; I've had to leave the post public, so certain important people in my life who *gasp* don't have LJs can see it. I'll probably unscreen the non-spam comments eventually, but I make no promises regarding responding to them...because honestly, I don't know what I can say at this point.


Sep. 30th, 2008 08:32 pm
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Drunk)
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore: Curse you, space bar, my nemesis.... *lifts previously-full wine glass* This is good shit.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (LOL)
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore just sent me the following text message:

This iz rakuns. We has Dug n truck. U wnt dug bk, bring cheezburgers. We keeping truck.

They heard me laughing three cubicles over.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
Thanks for the GoodThoughts, folks. Picked [livejournal.com profile] gridlore up from work right around 2:30 this afternoon; he went immediately to bed when we got home and apart from bathroom breaks has stayed there. He will not be going to work in the morning, that's for damn sure.
kshandra: Small owl with its head turned 90 degrees from vertical. Text: "Wait...what?" (...what?)
I have three times as many people listed on my Mutual Friends list as [livejournal.com profile] gridlore does.

So how come Crashlanding is doing so much better than Ballybran?
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore just called; [livejournal.com profile] baka49er has arrived at Offhand Manor, and the front door did not have a "Sorry We Missed You" notice on it. Fingers crossed that they'll get there in a reasonable amount of time and actually, y'know, FIX the problem.
kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: I am a Koosh of very little brain...
[livejournal.com profile] firestrike: ...but oh, so very much heart.
kshandra: figurine of a teddybear seated at an office desk, looking at a computer (ComputerBear)
...[livejournal.com profile] gridlore actually made a passable computer joke.

(We were watching Return of the King, and Eowyn had just taken out the RingWraith, when Doug suddenly pipes up with "Warning! Fatal exception error - please reinstall Nazgul.exe and try again.")
kshandra: Cover artwork from Trans Siberian Orchestra's "The Christmas Attic" (Christmas)
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore and I are home, taking a break in the midst of the day's celebration. We did breakfast at [livejournal.com profile] baka49er's this morning, with [livejournal.com profile] isomeme, [livejournal.com profile] laurellady, [livejournal.com profile] madelineusher, and the Steeles (none of whom are on LJ), with presents afterward; the Steeles will be with his family tonight for dinner, and Doug and I will return for roast beast with the SoCal contingent.

The Loot List, in some semblance of order )

I have a couple of care packages I'm going to get in the mail tomorrow Or Else. I ran out of stamps and spoons at about the same time this year; I managed to get one batch of cards in the mail yesterday, but not everyone I wanted to send a card to is getting one, alas. (Including some people who sent cards to me, for which I apologize profusely.) All in all, it's been a wonderful holiday.


Dec. 21st, 2007 03:09 pm
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Spaghetti)
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore, via text message: I'm surrounded by Jewish Mothers. "Eat! Eat more!"
My response: So eat already.
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore: Oy.
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