kshandra: long-haired woman silhouetted against a stormy sky (Bad)
I. Am. Broken.

My mental health is easily in the worst condition it's been since [livejournal.com profile] dafydd and I broke up four and a half years ago...possibly the worst it's been since I originally started therapy a decade ago.

I spent most of yesterday frantically tossed between abject misery and barely-controlled rage. I do not trust my reactions to anything or anyone currently.

Tomorrow morning I am calling Behavioral Medicine to get back on mood stabilizers. From there, I will start the process of finding a therapist I trust and can work with. In the meantime, please understand that I am unlikely to tolerate good-natured joking, well-intentioned cajoling, or any sort of "tough love" that might be your first instinct with which to respond. And I make no promises as to whether it will make me burst into tears or throw you against a wall. (And no, this is not hyperbole; I have physically attacked [livejournal.com profile] gridlore in the past, in front of witnesses, when I was sufficiently off-kilter. I'm not proud of it - I was almost physically ill when I finally stopped myself - but I have to acknowledge this side of me.)

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kshandra: Text: "I should perhaps be disturbed by the MASSIVE NEED I have for approval of strangers on the Internet." (Default)
kshandra

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