kshandra: Six hearts in rainbow colors, linked in a star pattern around an infinity symbol (Polyamory)
The next person to make a Star Wars Day reference about my wedding anniversary is getting shoved out the airlock.

[personal profile] gridlore and I were married May 4, 1991, because it was the Saturday closest to the one-year anniversary of our roadtrip to see the Dead, and his proposal on the trip home. For all that we met through our mutual interest in science fiction, that interest had NOTHING to do with our wedding plans.

(Besides, if we'd wanted a fannishly-significant wedding, we would have chosen November 22nd, he would have been dressed like Jon Pertwee, and I would have worn Romana's scarf from "Destiny of the Daleks" in lieu of a veil.)

As you were.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Fan)
In no particular order:

  • Starting to feel like I might actually be competent as an assistant department head. (Starting. Nothing more. And I'm still not interested in taking the next step.)
  • The sight of [livejournal.com profile] firestrike in a tuxedo taking my very breath away...and being further overwhelmed by the thought of someone so beautiful sharing his life with me.
  • Encountering someone I wasn't sure I was ready to see (and even less certain of zir readiness to see me) and having it go remarkably well. (Zie's still smoking fuckin' hot, though. And who knew zie could sing like that?!)
  • Speaking of singing...the phenomenal success that was Friday night, and feeling ever so slightly smug that getting [livejournal.com profile] kor27 to work the con was originally my idea.
  • The "spoon conservation device," as [livejournal.com profile] zyxwvut dubbed my scooter Friday night on the party floor.
  • Giggling furiously as I rolled down the plastic-covered carpet, thinking of bubble wrap.
  • Seeing my friends doing awesome work in the Masquerade, and being rewarded - repeatedly - for their efforts.
  • ICE CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!
  • Time with loved ones. Not enough of it - never enough of it - but precious nonetheless.
  • The best Emergency Holographic Boyfriend EVAR. (I can't wait to see Dr. Doyle's pictures of those two together....)
  • Weasel Tags.
  • "It was drunk, I was dark...."
  • The splendid dichotomy of sitting in a room full of catty commentary that would leave the Algonquin Round Table in the dust...and feeling cherished and accepted.
  • "...a joint that's merry."
  • Finding out that the ribbons [livejournal.com profile] gridlore and I had ordered this year had been specifically mentioned in the Ribbonology panel on Friday, resulting in their singularly absurd popularity. (Warning me would've been nice, [livejournal.com profile] pentaclemoon. *grin*)
  • Flirting with eye candy.
  • Acquaintances becoming friends. Bonding over the weirdest things.

Looking forward to the staff BBQ in three weeks.
kshandra: (Wedding)
There's only one occasion that matters today.

Happy Anniversary, [livejournal.com profile] gridlore.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Respect The Poon)
It started on the phone:

[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: [livejournal.com profile] tychobrahe is taking me out for coffee. Should I be afraid?
[livejournal.com profile] firestrike: No clue. Your virtue is probably safe, though.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: WHAT virtue? ;-)
[livejournal.com profile] firestrike: Precisely. He wouldn't be able to find it.

It's continuing at home:

[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: My skin has smelled like sulfur for a week. Am I turning into a dragon?
[livejournal.com profile] gridlore: I've been married far too long to give ANY kind of answer to that.

I'm gonna go hide, now....
kshandra: Porcelain figurine of a dragon embracing a smaller dragon; the smaller one is pointing to the larger one's heart (YouTouchMyHeart)
For the life of me, I can't remember if I've done this one before or not, but it strikes me as vaguely useful....

The Five Love Languages )

It certainly explains why this userpic resonates for me so.
kshandra: pixie with purple wings aloft before a full moon (Good)
Acquired from [livejournal.com profile] ladyotterfae:

Post 10 things that are going right in your life right now. I don't care how small. You're happy with your cup of coffee. You saw a flock of geese flying over. ANYTHING. Things that make you happy. Things that make you smile. No pressure.

It's small and it's simplistic, but maybe for the time you are compiling your list, you'll forget about the bad going on and focus on something good.


  1. As the folks who follow me on Twitter or Plurk already heard, I got an attagirl from the CFO this morning in our division's weekly huddle.
  2. A whole bunch of my campmates are coming down this weekend for Decompression on Sunday, and I can't wait to see them all again.
  3. As Otter put it, "I'm smitten. Thoroughly. Still." *beams at her new-old love*
  4. I have awesome friends.
  5. Pizza My Heart for lunch.
  6. The way my hair positively glows purple in sunlight.
  7. It's Friday!
  8. One of the girls who used to work in my department stopped by for a visit this morning.
  9. Faire tomorrow with [livejournal.com profile] murphymom.
  10. [livejournal.com profile] gridlore and I still have a roof over our heads and food on the table.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Permanent Free-Floating Kids' Table)
Sitting in the trailer just now, I hear a voice behind me. "They told me what room you were in, so I came to bug you." Like [livejournal.com profile] dafydd didn't know to find me here, anyway.

A five minute visit, and a big hug, and I was feeling considerably better. I'm glad we're at the point now where he can bolster my spirits without my falling all over him. (Though admittedly, it might have been a different story twelve hours ago.)

Thanks again, sweetie.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Clefs)
So I went to the bar with every intention of closing the place down; a sinus headache (exacerbated by a poorly-thought-out spate of headbanging during [livejournal.com profile] jeffercine's rendition of "Sad But True" and sadly not helped by a lovely scalp massage from [livejournal.com profile] kor27) put the kibosh on that, and I left around midnight. However, it was still slow enough at the beginning of the evening that I got a considerable amount of singing in.

See? )
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Clefs)
As promised (or perhaps threatened) before I left for That Thing In The Desert™, I spent last night at the bar. [livejournal.com profile] kor27 generously picked me up in the Short Bus, as the car is still full of playa-coated goodness, and the idea of negotiating the parking lot when I can't see out of the back window wasn't appealing to me.

Grabbed my book light on a whim as I was getting ready to leave, and it turned out to be a wise decision. There's a lighting fixture behind the table where I generally sit that normally has black-light bulbs in it, which react to the white pages in my composition book well enough for me to write by; that fixture is currently empty.

...and the bracket for the actual head of the book light broke while I was there. Oh, well, I saw a nifty-looking gooseneck model the last time I was at Bounders, anyway....

Onward to the songlist )
kshandra: a stack of hardback books, spines facing away (Books)
(copied largely from a comment I left elsewhere)

Author Madeleine L'Engle, whose novel "A Wrinkle in Time" has been enjoyed by generations of schoolchildren and adults since the 1960s, has died, her publicist said Friday. She was 88.

Amazingly, I only read L'Engle for the first time in the past decade. [livejournal.com profile] dafydd introduced me to the books...and then, at a time when I most needed to learn how to Be, he Named me. The Naming at the end of A Wind in the Door was his contribution to my graduation from therapy. I needed that concept so desperately in my life, and I will ever be grateful, both to dafydd for sharing it with me, and L'Engle for sharing it with the world.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Clefs)
I stopped by the bar long enough to sing for [livejournal.com profile] supersniffles for her birthday. Two numbers, both at her request: "Walking In Memphis" by Marc Cohn and "White Rabbit." I'm not recapping them individually tonight because there was a far more important detail to the evening:

[livejournal.com profile] firestrike had never heard me sing before.

I came back over to our table after my first number, and he very carefully took my glass out of my hand, set it down, then took my face in his hands and kissed me within an inch of both our lives. His next several minutes of conversation can be summed up as "DAMN. I mean...wow." And in turn, his reaction reduced me to a succession of "um...thank you"s, punctuated by fervent gratitude that the light in the bar is as poor as it is.

It was a good night.
kshandra: long-haired woman silhouetted against a stormy sky (Bad)
Five minutes after I hit post Doug called me to take him to the hospital. (I made a phone post while I was in the car coming to get him, but it doesn't appear to have made it to the server.)

I just got back to the office for the afternoon; he hasn't been admitted yet, but almost certainly will be. The MD we spoke with (who was fabulous - almost everyone we've dealt with today has been great) explained what a normal potassium level is (5-6 - it's an exponential measurement, like earthquakes) vs. what his actually was (2.2 in yesterday's labs, today's weren't back before I left) and the dangers of putting too much in the system too soon ("I'd just squirt ya and send you on your way, but too much potassium is how Kevorkian's machine works"). They had finished the first infusion (both K and magnesium) as I was leaving, and were going to be doing follow-up labs to see how well he was absorbing it. There is a possibility (pending his response to the infusions, discovery of a root cause, etc.) that he could be released as early as tomorrow

I have a Crappy Cellphone Picture™ of him in his hospital bed that I will be emailing the newsletter staff. ;-) (He's sticking his tongue out at me, it's great.) I'll also be stopping on my way up to the hotel tonight (Yes, I'm still coming up - if only so I can get all the crap for the party offloaded into [livejournal.com profile] aurictech and [livejournal.com profile] ataniell93's room) to pick up one of those absurdly oversized get-well cards and parading it around Meet The Guests tomorrow if he isn't on-site by then. (As well as a bottle of Nair - they did an excellent job of attaching the lead pads for the monitor and the EKG, but there's still some hair stuck under them, and it'll be easier to just kill all of it before pulling the pads off.)

Apart from a few moments in the car where I desperately wanted [livejournal.com profile] dafydd with me (not simply as someone to hang onto, but as someone who Speaks Doctor), I'm actually doing remarkably well. If anything, Doug going into the hospital makes things easier for me, because I'm no longer on eleventerhooks (these go to eleven) waiting for my phone to ring with the call I got at 0930 this morning.

BTW, thanks to all of you who made food suggestions for increasing his K levels, but remember that this is Doug Who Won't Eat Anything we're talking about. (Alas, literally - one of the other things that has been wrong these last two weeks is that he's not producing any saliva, so none of the few things he will eat taste right. They gave him crackers and cheese this morning, and he wasn't even able to finish one cracker...on top of the saliva issue and still having no matching molars, he was actually so weak he was having trouble chewing.)

Anyway. I've finished inhaling the burrito I picked up on my way back here, and really should do some actual work in the three hours I've got left. I'll see some of you later this evening; [livejournal.com profile] sylvan is my Point of Contact on-site until I get there. [livejournal.com profile] kevin_standlee, Doug would like me to sit in for him on Match Game, even if he is on-site; if you have an alternate, I'm okay with that, but I think it'd be a blast to do. (And I can pimp [livejournal.com profile] tas_baycon and the Minions of Doug while I'm up there. *grin*)
kshandra: (Wedding)
I know I've gone on here before about how [livejournal.com profile] gridlore's cousin used to be married to Tommy Shaw. The first Damn Yankees album came out shortly after we got together; we saw the band twice when they toured with Bad Company that year, and "High Enough" was Our Song.

Completely by chance, 10@10 today was from 1991.

Tomorrow's our anniversary.

Dave played "High Enough."

Oh, squee.

Feb. 11th, 2006 11:40 pm
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Clefs)
Pairs skaters Savchenko and Szolkovy just did their short program to Jean Michel Jarre's "Souvenir of China." (The song was originally written during his 1982 tour of China; the link goes to video shot during his 2004 Beijing trip.)

My first exposure to Jarre was in my junior year of high school, when "Oxygene" was actually in the jukebox at the Round Table Pizza in Milpitas. (Those of you who know his work will realize just how surreal it was to encounter the music that way.) Later, Matthew broadened my knowledge, giving me tape copies of Oxygene, Equinox and Les Concerts en Chine. I still have those tapes, though $DEITY knows what condition they're in 15+ years later; I've picked up CD copies of Zoolook and Revolutions in the years since. "Souvenir de Chine" remains my favorite of his songs...quite possibly the most evocative song he's written.

PSA

Nov. 3rd, 2005 12:30 am
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
I've just broken up with [livejournal.com profile] yohannon, for reasons I am not now, and may not ever, be ready or willing to discuss in public. It's going very badly, so I may well be soggy and hard to light for the next few days.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Buttercup)
I've been meaning to make this post for a few weeks, now, but it keeps slipping my mind. (Damn that Teflon plate, anyway.) So I'm doing it now while I'm thinking about it.

Large numbers of you have heard me speak of the relationship sabbatical I've been planning to take for some time now. The original deadline I set myself for this was 1/1/06, well over a year away at the time I set it. That's less than three months from now, and some of you are probably wondering why I haven't said much on the subject recently.

Part of that has been because of [livejournal.com profile] gridlore - the subject makes him very uncomfortable, and quite frankly, there's a limit to the amount of noodling I'm willing to do without feedback from him (because the logistics of it are going to require his input, regardless of his feelings), so posting about it behind a filter is of limited utility.

The rest of it is because I have, in fact, changed the date, moving it to 1 June 06. This gives us both some extra time to clear our debts, and to (please, $DEITY) put some money aside in savings, because there's simply no way for both of us to afford moving at this juncture, or for one of us to stay in the current apartment while the other goes elsewhere. And with the two of us having been un- or under-employed for the last two years, there's been no way for us to establish any sort of financial buffer. It's only been since Doug got the job at PODS that we've actually been keeping pace with our bills...and now that there's finally an end-date to my temp assignment, I'm starting to get nervous about maintaining that. (Hence this morning's earlier job search post.)

It is still my intention to spend 6-12 months living on my own - no roommates, no family, no nothing - if only to prove to myself that I can. I have not spent ANY of my adult life without an additional form of support, and that bothers me to an extent I simply cannot put into words. And while I will probably wind up pushing the pendulum a little far into the realm of counterdependence, I genuinely believe that it is a Needful Thing at this point.

Comments disabled; I don't think I'm up to discussing this right now, nor do I believe that encouraging words would be of any benefit at this juncture. This is simply information. (If you feel a deep-seated need to comment on something I've said here, email works, but I reserve the right not to respond.)
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (trio)
At 6:00 this morning, a general message went out over the onboard computers we have in the vans at work: Any driver with outstanding floating holidays or vacation time who wanted to cash a day in and go home early was invited to call the shift manager for authorization to do so. Seeing as [livejournal.com profile] gridlore and I have a fair amount of Stuff to do before we and [livejournal.com profile] dafydd head out for the weekend*, I took the opportunity.

Apparently not many people did, because another message went out shortly after that: If the office is unable to reduce the number of vans on the road, drivers will be laid off....

I'm trying not to think about that right now.

*Yes, we're going out of town. Together. My name has finally come up on the cast rotation with Zen Room, so we're headed to San Luis Obispo for Rocky. Also on the To Do list while we're there is a trip to Sycamore, badly needed by all involved. Yes, you're reading that right: I'm going hot-tubbing with my husband and my boyfriend. This could be amusing....

Equal time

Aug. 18th, 2001 04:17 pm
kshandra: (Wedding)
Now tell everyone how we met. I'd tell it, but you always claim I get it wrong...

Ask and ye shall receive, [livejournal.com profile] gridlore....

Insulin! Getcher insulin here! )
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Permanent Free-Floating Kids' Table)
[livejournal.com profile] baratron: btw, I am intrigued by the story of how you & [livejournal.com profile] dafydd got together
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: *laugh* How much of it have you heard?
[livejournal.com profile] baratron: you have mentioned that you knew each other at school a long time ago
[livejournal.com profile] baratron: 5th grade?
[livejournal.com profile] baratron: I don't know how old that is - 11?
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: 10.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: Went to school together for the one term; both wound up at different schools the following year.
[livejournal.com profile] baratron: so how did you get back in contact?
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: I moved a couple of times after that, though not far away.... We ran into each other by sheer happenstance one day in high school (either 3rd or 4th year, I don't remember now), but didn't trade addresses or anything that I recall.
* [livejournal.com profile] baratron nods
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: We started talking to each other here in #c two years ago.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: And had *no* idea who we were to each other.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: Talking turned to flirting...and we finally "met" in early November at a mutual friend's open house (You've heard mention of Starport, I'm sure - it's the Wednesday night gathering Aahz and [livejournal.com profile] firecat and I were discussing in a.p)
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: I was introduced to him as Kiri, which is a family nickname I picked up long after we'd lost touch...but he STARED at me all night, and I kept looking over and saying to myself "I should know this face, but why?"
* [livejournal.com profile] baratron nods
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: (I should mention that when we were in school he was the only kid in class taller than I was, and had THICK glasses and *lots* of orthodontic gear in his mouth. So there was plenty of room for him to have changed beyond recognition.)
* [livejournal.com profile] baratron nods
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: We see each other once more at Starport in the next month or so, and our discussions online have gotten heavier, including my marriage, [livejournal.com profile] gridlore's health, etc...and we start discussing the possibility of something physical.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: Mid-December, and he finally subscribes to the channel's mailing list. A couple days after that, he sees a post from me - with my full first name attached.
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: Recognition doesn't so much dawn on him as explode. "Oh, sh!t - it IS her!" was his basic reaction, he tells me. ;-)
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: The next time he sees me online, we start talking...and a few minutes in, he asks me, "Does the name David Barr sound familiar?"
* [livejournal.com profile] baratron grins
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: And I about fainted.
[livejournal.com profile] baratron: that's a cool story. you should post it to your livejournal for the readers at home :)
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: *grin* I probably should...though most of 'em have heard it by now, there are probably a few who haven't.

(LJ-ify your IMs before pasting!)
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
My fortune cookie after dinner with Rose this evening:

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
Couldn't someone have told me that last week?

But really, it's been a good day and a half or so. As Rose mentioned elsewhere, she and I seem to have figured out where we're going. I've said for some time that I needed a small-g girlfriend at least as much, if not more, than I needed/wanted a Girlfriend. I think we're GIRLFRIENDS - we know we can express our feelings for one another physically if we want to, but it's not a central, or even a necessary, part of our relationship. I have had so much fun just going out and running errands with her.... It sounds boring as hell, I'm sure, but it's nice to have the companionship. Doug simply doesn't have the energy to up and go to the store most days...and to decide on the spur of the moment to make a trip to the mall while we're out...and then grab dinner before heading home. I've missed that.

And I think that dafydd and I FINALLY have all the lumps left over from last week's fight smoothed out. (Heh. I started to type "smooched" - and considered leaving it for a minute....) I don't seem to be articulating myself nearly as well online as I once thought I did; it took sitting down over a late dinner (if you can call it that - neither of us had much of an appetite) last night with a copy of our most recent IRC logfile and hammer it out. Literally, in some cases - I slammed both fists down on the table at one point because he kept interrupting me when I was fighting for the words to make myself understood. (I do not blame him for this, for the record. I'm prone to very long pauses in my speech anyway, and having to work so hard to make the concepts I needed come together in my brain was making them even longer. I commented at one point that I envied the hell out of Rose - when she doesn't know the right thing to say, she still has the ability to keep pouring the words out until she hits on a concept that seems to at least be in the right neighborhood, and work from there. I can't tell you what I'd give to be able to do that....)

Damnit...I'd've sworn there was something else I wanted to ramble on about tonight.... But I should sleep. Busy couple of days ahead of me....
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