kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
I heard from the house manager at Cielo House this afternoon shortly before I left work. She's going to follow up with me tomorrow to confirm an intake appointment on Thursday...

...with an eye toward starting treatment on Monday.

I'm 99% certain that isn't going to happen; we're going to need to go through the same back-and-forth I did with La Ventana regarding insurance, financial aid, etc. But at the same time, the prospect of things moving so quickly, after such a very lengthy process the first time around, is a little terrifying. As I said to [personal profile] gridlore earlier tonight, "I'm suddenly behind a team of runaway horses."

Updates to follow.
kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
An intake counselor from La Ventana called me back today...

...and recommended I seek treatment elsewhere.

It's not as bad as it sounds, actually. )
kshandra: Graffiti of hands ripping open a dress shirt, Superman fashion, to reveal the word FAIL (FAIL)
I missed this coming in on Wednesday night because I was at a training session where mine wound up being the laptop plugged into the projector so I couldn't check my mail, but I was going through and cleaning up the various marked-as-unread messages in my inbox this morning...

Probably still triggery for some, albeit in a different direction )
kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
Yesterday's assessment went really well. [personal profile] gridlore came with me, and was a marvel - volunteering information when I was trying to clarify or had obvious mental blocks (like the fact that I was predominantly raised by my great-grandmother, who was a single mother of two during the Great Depression, and as such had her own set of Issues about food), without making it seem like this was all his idea and I was just along for the ride. The psych who did the assessment is going to talk with my primary physician, get some corroborating information, start pounding on my insurance company, and then circle back to me next week so we can set a game plan.

And then Doug and I went to dinner, and he had two huge beers (probably three pints' worth in two glasses)...and once he was drunk he gave me the most amazing pep talk, talking about how very proud he is of me for doing this, and how he knows I'm going to be fucking well terrified at points, but that he'll be there to support me, and so will all my friends, and how he knows I can do this because I'm so bloody GOOD at everything I set my mind to - when I can just. fucking. STOP sabotaging myself.... He probably went on for twenty minutes, including acknowledging at least once that he had deliberately gotten himself this drunk because he knew he couldn't have said half of it to me otherwise, and I cried a lot and laughed more than a little and we held hands and smiled like fools and it was absolutely everything I could have hoped for.

And then we took a leisurely drive home so we could look at Christmas lights, including the one house up the road from us that I really ought to get pictures of because my GOD it's unreal. How you get that many lights on a single-story house that can't be over 1000 square feet, I can't tell you. (Though it does involve giving up the use of the garage for the month so they can put a display in the driveway. I kid you not.)
kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
My assessment is scheduled for next Thursday at 3pm.

I told my boss I'd be out for the afternoon (this makes two days in a row, as I'm seeing my primary physician on Wednesday)...he told me "I think you should take it with pay."

The support I am getting is the best sort of overwhelming, and I thank you all.
kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
I'm awaiting a phone call from the intake counselor at La Ventana.

My doctor recommended I seek out a clinic, as I need more than just a change in diet and exercise - I need to change my entire approach to food. I am not (strictly speaking) a binge eater, but I have a relationship with food that can only be called dysfunctional. I'll note for the record that this clinic does promote Health At Every Size, which I was thrilled to hear in my conversation with their Outreach coordinator last night, because I'm never going to weigh what the actuarial tables think I should. But my weight is keeping me from doing things I love, and that is not acceptable.

Getting this far was an ordeal I don't care to repeat, involving multiple emails via a contact form we ultimately discovered was broken, and a voicemail message left for their outreach coordinator that amazingly only included one F-bomb and no tears. (The lack of response to my email led me to wonder if they weren't using some bullshit tough-love approach and were expecting me to prove how much I wanted this; had that turned out to be the case, [personal profile] gridlore would probably be putting out the begging bowl to raise my bail.)

Depending upon what is determined by my assessment, and what my insurance will cover, I may actually end up in what is called a partial hospitalization program - seven hours a day, five days a week. It frightens me past the capacity for rational thought to consider what that will do to us financially, but money doesn't fucking well matter if I'm dead, now, does it? (They do also have a half-day intensive outpatient program, but I need to approach this from the perspective of what's best for me, if not my wallet.)

I'll post if I make it in, and if journaling turns out to be part of their approach, I may copy those entries here (if I do, they will be cut-tagged, with a keyword in the subject line, and comments will be disabled).

Speaking of comments, I'm leaving them enabled here, but they will be screened, and I make no promises that I will answer any of them. Geek Answer Syndrome or attempts to "reassure" me that I don't need to lose weight will be deleted with extreme prejudice.
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