kshandra: Six hearts in rainbow colors, linked in a star pattern around an infinity symbol (Polyamory)
[personal profile] digitalsidhe posted earlier this evening about attending the memorial for Jack Random yesterday, and it appears to have stirred up a lot of emotions in me. Not because I knew Jack - indeed, I'm not sure I'd ever heard his name before my queer friends started posting about his passing.

And that's what did it. I'm upset about my complete inactivity in "freak" circles. Queer, kinky, poly...you name it, I'm a cipher in it. And it isn't about the sex (mostly, anyway, though I'd be lying if I said that part didn't bother me, too) - it's about the connection. The community (and half of my Burner friends are shouting "DRINK!" now). Yes, I have my Invisible Internet Friends, and I love you all, but I don't have anyone who will call me up and say "Hey, wanna go to $EVENT next week/month/whenever?"

I know, I know. If I did, 90% of the time the answer would would be "Sorry, can't afford it." But I'd like the opportunity to be disappointed that I won't get to do something, as opposed to being disappointed that I didn't even know the something existed until someone Tweets about it from the audience (which happened over the weekend).

And no, the answer isn't "So go do something on your own!" Especially not right now, when the introversion is spiraling into tighter and tighter circles.

All comments screened, and I make no guarantees that I'll be able to answer them in a timely fashion, if at all. Also, virtual hugs are going to rub me the wrong way - a symptom of the problem, if you will - so please, don't.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Fan)
In no particular order:

  • Starting to feel like I might actually be competent as an assistant department head. (Starting. Nothing more. And I'm still not interested in taking the next step.)
  • The sight of [livejournal.com profile] firestrike in a tuxedo taking my very breath away...and being further overwhelmed by the thought of someone so beautiful sharing his life with me.
  • Encountering someone I wasn't sure I was ready to see (and even less certain of zir readiness to see me) and having it go remarkably well. (Zie's still smoking fuckin' hot, though. And who knew zie could sing like that?!)
  • Speaking of singing...the phenomenal success that was Friday night, and feeling ever so slightly smug that getting [livejournal.com profile] kor27 to work the con was originally my idea.
  • The "spoon conservation device," as [livejournal.com profile] zyxwvut dubbed my scooter Friday night on the party floor.
  • Giggling furiously as I rolled down the plastic-covered carpet, thinking of bubble wrap.
  • Seeing my friends doing awesome work in the Masquerade, and being rewarded - repeatedly - for their efforts.
  • Time with loved ones. Not enough of it - never enough of it - but precious nonetheless.
  • The best Emergency Holographic Boyfriend EVAR. (I can't wait to see Dr. Doyle's pictures of those two together....)
  • Weasel Tags.
  • "It was drunk, I was dark...."
  • The splendid dichotomy of sitting in a room full of catty commentary that would leave the Algonquin Round Table in the dust...and feeling cherished and accepted.
  • "...a joint that's merry."
  • Finding out that the ribbons [livejournal.com profile] gridlore and I had ordered this year had been specifically mentioned in the Ribbonology panel on Friday, resulting in their singularly absurd popularity. (Warning me would've been nice, [livejournal.com profile] pentaclemoon. *grin*)
  • Flirting with eye candy.
  • Acquaintances becoming friends. Bonding over the weirdest things.

Looking forward to the staff BBQ in three weeks.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Spaghetti)
...not André (and not Andrae, either, though there is a Red Lobster around the corner...), but Buggy!

As some of you already know, [livejournal.com profile] eleri is coming down to the SF Bay Area for a seminar next month, and she'd love to see as many of you as possible while she's here. So we've made plans for a get-together, and hope you can make it.

When: Thursday, May 14th, 6-9pm
Where: Fresh Choice, 5353 Almaden Expy #39A, San Jose, CA 95118 - (408) 723-7991
Who: [livejournal.com profile] eleri. [livejournal.com profile] kshandra. [livejournal.com profile] gridlore, assuming he hasn't fallen asleep already. You. And you. And yes, you, even though you've never met her before.
Why: Because Everyone Loves Eleri. It's not just a good idea...it's the law.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Bingo)
[livejournal.com profile] shaysdays just tweeted the following, and asked if I wouldn't mind reposting it to get a few more answers.

What is the difference between being poly and playing the field?

My answer was that the concept of "playing the field" carries with it an implication that the relationships aren't serious ones - or perhaps more specifically, now that I think on it more, that none of the relationships are serious. It's certainly possible in a poly arrangement to have one committed relationship and a whole lot of FWBs....


(crossposted to my personal journal and [livejournal.com profile] bipolypagangeek)

...and as god is my witness, I did NOT front-load the music.
kshandra: Butterfly-shaped pewter paperweight, engraved with the Serenity Prayer (Serenity)
[livejournal.com profile] kshandra: I am a Koosh of very little brain...
[livejournal.com profile] firestrike: ...but oh, so very much heart.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Clefs)
So I went to the bar with every intention of closing the place down; a sinus headache (exacerbated by a poorly-thought-out spate of headbanging during [livejournal.com profile] jeffercine's rendition of "Sad But True" and sadly not helped by a lovely scalp massage from [livejournal.com profile] kor27) put the kibosh on that, and I left around midnight. However, it was still slow enough at the beginning of the evening that I got a considerable amount of singing in.

See? )
kshandra: Cartoon of a young girl, a purple streak in her hair, at a computer; the text reads "dear blog, I HATE EVERYONE!" (I Hate Everyone)
Oh, she did it this time.

The letter, and her response )

Well, you can all imagine how well that went over with me.

What I just sent to DearAbby.com )
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Trio)
  • "News Flash: Harry Turtledove shoots fish in barrel." - [livejournal.com profile] wild_irises
  • "We'll take an error. We have no pride."
    "You're Cubs fans."
    "No, we're trailing. We'll have pride when we're ahead by twelve runs." - [livejournal.com profile] rmjwell and [livejournal.com profile] gridlore, respectively, during the Cubs-Giants game
  • I could easily fill this post with more of their game-related bon mots, but I didn't think to bring the keyboard for my PDA.
  • "I have an LJ, and I like my LJ, but I refuse to buy into the mindset that I am my LJ." - [livejournal.com profile] karenbynight
  • "The aerodynamics of irregularly-shaped rocks are confounding me today...." - [livejournal.com profile] dafydd
  • "What's the point of soft-core porn? It's sex without genitals!" - [livejournal.com profile] klwalton
  • "'Ability to date a lot of people...' bought any glass houses lately?" - [livejournal.com profile] serenejournal, to RJ
  • "What did I miss?"
    "Much dissing of many people."
    "But not you - you came back too soon!" - (names withheld to protect the guilty)
  • "I have a DOCTOR'S NOTE saying 'You suck!'" - [livejournal.com profile] someotherguy
  • "All the organizational skills God gave fandom...." RJ, again
  • "That's not serial monogamy - that's USB." - [livejournal.com profile] abostick59
  • "The gazebo ate the tuppence!" - [livejournal.com profile] nolly
  • Croatian Scrabble - Don't ask.
  • "Vowels!" *handwaving* - [livejournal.com profile] linenoise
    "Was that gesture a vowel movement?" - Nolly
    "Sounds more like he needs a vowel resection...." - dafydd
    "A lexicolonoscopy?" - me

Feel free to comment with any I may have missed....


Jun. 29th, 2001 08:24 pm
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (trio)
(New Technology Energy)

Lookie what I got!!!!

Doug and I finally managed to get out to buy my birthday present.... He had a lot of trouble trying to decide what to get me at first, and then thought it'd be nice to get me "something to listen to on the train."

I'm only on the train these days when I go to see dafydd.

I think that's the sweetest endorsement of our relationship I've gotten from him yet.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (good)
(I started this journal entry over three hours ago; Real Life{tm} keeps interfering....)

dafydd had a physical agility test in Novato this morning and is working Feast of Fire in the East Bay tonight, and didn't see a whole lot of point in driving all the way home between the two. So I sighed and grudgingly agreed to let him come over.

Yeah, right. Twist my arm. ;-)

He got here around 12:30 this afternoon, and we chatted with Doug for a bit before grabbing lunch. And then, we shopped. Boy, did we shop.

Earlier in the week, I'd made the decidedly unsexy comment that I wanted cotton nightgowns, so we went over to Avenue and picked out a few (with purple flowers, natch) that he bought me as a belated birthday present. (He'd had a rather horrendous experience attempting to get something for me online that wound up with him cancelling the order.) From there, it was over to Costco to put gas in his truck and pick up a folding cot for the event tonight. While we were there, I wound up getting a book for Doug (can't tell you what, it's part of his birthday present) and a set of wire-frame storage cubes to replace the stack of milk crates we've had in the bedroom forever. From there, it was off to Office Depot to look for another bookshelf to go in the soon-to-be-office, but what they had was all out of our price range; I grabbed a box of pens for work, and we were on our way.

I'd seen a decorative mirror with a mock-bamboo frame and a plaque reading "Trust In Yourself" at Bed Bath & Beyond when I was there with Rose last weekend, and I decided to go back and get it - which gave dafydd the idea to pick up a full-length mirror for Rose's birthday present (her present had been part of his cancelled order, and the mirror she'd gotten through eBay wound up not being what she was expecting). While we were at that mall, I commented on a DVD twin-pack I'd seen at the Wherehouse on that last visit.... I wasn't expecting him to be able to resist a copy of Backdraft; that it was paired with Apollo 13 was just gravy. And they had the Shrek soundtrack back in stock, so I was happy.

And then we were off to Borders so I could finally pick up presents for Rose. I managed to find two of the books on her wishlist (one each from Doug and me), and a couple more for us (oh, like you could walk into a bookstore and not get yourself something), and then dafydd found a couple for himself.... We were practically screaming "Get me out of here before I spend more money!" at each other by the time we hit the check-out counter. ;-) A quick duck into McDonald's to satisfy Doug's craving for Chicken McNuggets, and we were on our way home.

I dropped almost $200 today - and boy did it feel good. ;-)
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (bad)
So I saw RENT this afternoon with Doug, dafydd and Rose...and I think we went through half a box of Kleenex between the four of us. (Hopefully, they'll all expand on why it touched them, as they're all very different stories. This one is mine.)

I was actually doing fairly well; this was my third time seeing the show, and I'm overall in a far better headspace than I was the first two times. But Doug simply lost it during "Will I Lose My Dignity," and that was all it took. It surprised me to see him fall apart during that song in particular; he's always made fun of it when I've listened to the soundtrack at home, and while I know that humor is his primary defense mechanism, it simply never occurred to me that it was the case here. At the end of the song, Doug looked up at me and begged, "Never make me see this show again." I was stunned. I asked him about it over dinner...why didn't he tell me it was going to bother him so much? "I knew you wanted to do it," he said, "and I thought I could keep it under control. I was wrong."

And my blood ran cold. My having that very mindset was exactly what caused last week's crash (hmm...that may need a capital C to truly convey the magnitude), and to see anyone using that sort of logic - but especially a loved one - was salt in a much-too-fresh wound. I talked about it with dafydd after Doug and Rose went home (we'd gotten a call before we left the house that the car was ready - yay! - so we picked it up on the way back from the theatre and took both vehicles to dinner), and he made the point that, while he certainly saw how it could strike a nerve with me, it was just as easy to look at it from the POV of "making a sacrifice for someone you love." He did, however, agree that now was not a good time to be doing it.

But it really was a good day, I swear! This cast had far better chemistry than either of the two shows I'd seen previously (though the sound mix was hideous - the bass player was the only member of the band who wasn't overmiked - and all the songs seemed to be paced at 110% normal speed; rather ironic that I had trouble discerning the lyrics at a performance with ASL interpreters at the front of the theatre). And dinner afterward, at the Beach Chalet (where Rose and I had dinner for our birthdays last year, aamof), was lovely.

But it's late, and Rose has asked me to come snuggle with her before I head off to my own bed. G'night!
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
Spending an hour at Good Vibrations with two other people who aren't afraid to be affectionate with me in public is a very nice way to spend an afternoon.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (good)
(Um, Doug? You might want to skip over this entry, as I'm about to go into detail about my sex life. A very silly, entirely non-erotic detail, but a detail nonetheless.)

I have Issues when it comes to socks in bed. The night I lost my virginity, I looked around afterward and discovered that my lover had left his socks on during the act, and I was mortified. (It felt like "leaving your boots on" to me, I guess.) I made a point of mentioning this to dafydd the first time I spent the night, and he made a point of taking his off when we got into bed. As our relationship has progressed, and we've settled (sunk?) further into being an Old Married Couple(tm), I've gotten a little less twitchy about it.

Which brings us to this morning. Fate - or at least my dispatcher - chose to smile upon me this morning, and I wound up with a set of reservations that started about a mile from the condo. I made it down to San Jose from the airport with about 30 minutes to spare; I figured this was plenty of time to wander in, say hello, and let him finish getting ready for work while I went to the bathroom (access to indoor plumbing can be rare on a busy-enough day; if the opportunity presents itself, I'll take it) and caught up on some paperwork.

When I walked into the bedroom and saw that he was standing naked in front of the shower, my plans changed rather abruptly. ;-) We kissed and cuddled and I started shedding my work clothes...and as he bent down to peel my pants off my legs, he hooked his fingers into the tops of my socks and pulled them off, too.

This after I had made a conscious decision not to bother with them, as we did only have half an hour....

I was highly amused
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
My horoscope today:

Don't be surprised if you notice a tendency toward deeper thinking, and the desire to communicate today. The big questions may be on your mind. What's the meaning of life? Is there something bigger than us out there? Will my kids respect or resent me when they get to be my age? Tracking down someone who's in a similar frame of mind may not be easy, but if you can manage it, you might have one of those conversations you'll still be thinking about years from now.

dafydd's horoscope:

It's another day, and getting back into the grind may only increase your desire to have some fun. Make plans to get together with someone at lunch or after work if you can. If you have a partner, why not go out to a movie together, or rent one and stay home? If you decide to stay in, it could be a nice idea to bring home a bottle of that special wine that you both like so much, and make a date out of it.

We're having a late dinner tonight after I take Doug to the office. I can't help but wonder if we'll still be talking when it's time for me to go to work....


Jun. 4th, 2001 10:18 pm
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (bad)
...I did give dafydd my cold. I suppose I should count my blessings that Doug doesn't have it yet, but I feel bad about giving this to anyone at all. It's evil.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
I was awake by 9:30, for reasons I can not adequately explain. There were a couple of 10am panels that I was sort of interested in, though, so I stumbled into my clothes and staggered downstairs. One of the panels was on solar wood-burning, and it was still fairly cloudy outside, so I figured it might not happen and headed for the other one, a percussion workshop.

So I should have figured that the percussion workshop would have been rescheduled. (This happened rather a lot over the course of the weekend, from what I saw....) However, they replaced it with a belly-dance workshop, so I stayed. I actually danced for the whole 90 minutes, which surprised me - my feet were already incredibly sore from all the time I'd been on them Friday, and spending that much time with my knees partially bent isn't exactly my idea of fun, either. But I managed, and it was a hell of a workshop. I hadn't showered before, but boy, did I need one when I was done....

Doug was in the room when I got back to wash up, and we started trying to plan for the day. He had found out while I was at class that Chris Knight's Trailer Park had been moved directly opposite his panel, which annoyed the hell out of both of us. (Chris didn't take too kindly to it either, we later discovered, as they didn't bother telling him this before he flew up from LA...) And then dafydd paged to let us know he was on his way over from the drill. I looked at the clock, and looked at Doug, and said "Um, honey...?" I really hadn't wanted to miss his panel, 'cause I figured he'd need the support, but we were starting to run short on time.

Met dafydd up at the room, ducked my head into Doug's panel long enough to tell him he was on his own for lunch, and headed out. After a nice lunch at Chili's, we got all the food, the cushions, and the chairs we'd forgotten the night before loaded into the back of the truck, asked ourselves three times if we were forgetting anything, and went to make copies of the party flyer and pick up ice for the coolers. Back over to the hotel, up to the front desk to grab a bell cart, get everything out of the truck and into the room....

And damn near put my fist through the wall when I realized we'd left dafydd's CD player at home.

He went back downstairs to park the truck, and I agreed to meet him in the Dealers' Room. Caught up with Doug while I was taking the bell cart back to the front desk - "Do you want the bad news or the bad news?" There was Yet Another Party setting up external speakers on the patio beneath us, and I had my doubts as to whether or not anyone was going to hear the CDs even if we had the player.... He snarled for a bit, and told me to go back and get the silly thing anyway.

But first, I had to shop. ;-) I made the mistake of turning my back on dafydd for five minutes while I was off buying my new velvet skirt.... As we were headed back up to the room, he dropped something into my hand. I looked down, and it was a nametag:


I should've hurt him. ;-)

Up to the room so we could all catch a quick nap...in theory. I wound up lying in bed and listening to both of them snore. But I was off my feet for 45 minutes, which was a Good Thing at that point. Limped back down to the truck with dafydd, ran off to get the CD player, and he dropped me back off by the elevator lobby while he headed back out to BFE to park. We all changed into our Brubek's t-shirts, and the party opened on-time.

By this point, everything south of my kneecaps felt like it was on fire. Being no fool, I took the ottoman from the room's one comfy chair and stationed myself next to the door, passing out the alien stickers we'd bought - or, as I took to saying much later in the evening, "alienating people." We went through over 120 stickers in the five hours we were open....

Virtual Bosnia (the guestbook we had for JG) wound up being a fairly big hit, as well. We got some great pictures of people with the I-Zone (and I still don't know what the hell I did with the extra roll of film I bought when we bought the camera) to add to the book, and some fantastic comments from folks, including a few veterans. I don't think we're going to get the official TravSF photo developed in time to send it off with the rest of JG's care package, but we've got enough other stuff to send to him that I don't think it'd matter. (More on this in Sunday's entry.)

dafydd had to leave early again; he had station duty Sunday morning, and again, was really thrilled about it - not. At least he'd gotten four days' notice on this one, as opposed to the 18 hours for Saturday morning's drill. We wound up closing the room down around 2:30....

And the ravers on the patio were still at it. We'd had FLARE come through a couple of times, and talked to ConOps about it before the party had opened, so the volume wasn't as bad as it had been the night before - but it still meant we couldn't open the door to the balcony if we wanted to hear ourselves think. About 3:10, there was a rather abrupt silence outside; they'd apparently been ordered to shut down.

Doug and I were asleep by 3:20. ;-)

I'll finish up the rest of these tomorrow, most likely; I've been sitting in front of the 'puter for ten hours now, and I think my eyes are about to cross.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Koosh)
So I've been home from the convention not quite 24 hours. I think I've caught up on my sleep...but I wouldn't necessarily say I'm coherent yet. I'll try and keep this more or less chronological, but I make no promises.

Worked a full shift before coming home and doing the last-minute-packing thing. (Yes, I brought my towel. I'd wanted to bring along my More Than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide, as well, in the hopes that it would spawn more discussion than just the towel itself - but as could probably be expected, I didn't find it until I got home from the con yesterday.) I think Doug got some sleep - I know I kept telling him to - but he was already up and moving when I got home. Drove directly to dafydd's condo, figured out a way to get all the food for Saturday's party into his fridge, and went over to the hotel to check in.

Last year, we asked them to take one of the beds out of our room so we had more space for people to move during the party, and they didn't. So I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when I opened the door and discovered they'd taken both of them out this year. Go to ConOps, have them call Sylvan's room. "I'm going to go bang my head against a wall...and then I'm going to get you a bed." It's times like this that I'm really thankful I've got friends in high places all over staff....

Head back down to the main con area once the bed has arrived - and zebragrrl's there! This was completely unexpected, and very much a Good Thing. For me, anyway - apparently, her brand-new ex decided to come to the convention as well...with someone else. This doesn't sound like anything beyond typical convention drama until you realize that they live in Oregon. (It gets even more complicated when you add in that zebragrrl's ex is, or at least was, FTM - and spent the weekend in girl clothes. But that isn't my story to tell; I'm sure that once zebragrrl is home again, and her computer is back online (she moved out of the ex's place two weeks ago), she'll have plenty to say in her own journal.)

dafydd caught up with Doug and me after work, and we went to dinner with one of the TML folks and his wife, who had come down from Seattle for the con. dafydd had forgotten to bring a towel to work with him, and found this insanely bright yellow one with a giant fish appliqued on it on his lunch hour. It couldn't have looked more like a Babelfish if you'd designed it that way. He and I drove over to the condo after dinner to pick up the non-perishable party stuff...and it probably took us as long to get from one side of the hotel to the other as it did to drive there and back. Too many people to stop and say hi to on the way.... One of the people we talked to was someone I hadn't had the chance to introduce dafydd to last year, and we spent a few minutes catching up on stuff. Somewhere along the line, the conversation segued into commute times, and I found myself jokingly commenting that I thought I only got to spend Wednesday nights so dafydd could use the carpool lane on Thursdays. "Well, that's not so bad," C said. "You're decorative and functional!" This gave us all a good giggle, and we said our goodbyes for the moment.

This comment would come back to haunt me....

I talked dafydd into bringing his swimsuit back with him, and we spent half an hour in the hot tub; it was Doug's idea originally, but then someone bought him drinks at the Meet the Guests reception and he decided passing out was the better part of valor. He was OUT when we got back to the room, so we crawled into the bathroom and dried off under the heat lamp as best we could.

dafydd wound up having to leave early to do moulage work for Yet Another Disaster Drill{tm} - and he was really thrilled about it (not) 'cause he'd only known about it since lunchtime - so I sent him on his way, and wandered the party floor for another couple of hours. I'm really not sure why I was so awake at that point - by the time I came back to the room, I'd been up for 22 hours. Went right to sleep, for all that the music coming up from the patio beneath us was still insanely loud - Doug told me the next morning that they finally shut down about 4:15. He was not pleased - after all the time and effort I'd put into mixing the CDs for the party, it was starting to look as though we wouldn't even be able to hear it.

More to come....

My Weekend

May. 20th, 2001 10:56 pm
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (Default)
The good, the bad, and the ugly....

The Good:

  • Having TS greet me with a lovely sweet kiss as she got off the plane on Friday, and generally getting to be very subtly out with her all weekend.
  • Getting to spend almost 48 uninterrupted hours with dafydd where we weren't spending half a day on the road in one direction or the other.
  • Bargains. Found a brand new purse - two, actually - at Ross Saturday afternoon: A purple (yay purple!) one for everyday, and a smaller gray one with a detachable strap long enough that I'll be able to wear it as a hip pouch at the convention this weekend. And then we stopped by Office Max that evening (TS wanted a mechanical pencil for the conference Sunday), and I found a copy of 7th Guest reformatted for Win98 for ten bucks. (We'd tried running my old copy on the new machines, but the soundcard drivers weren't there, and you lost most of the dialogue...which really kills the game, imo.)
  • Feesh. Red Lobster for dinner Friday night, Truya Sushi on Saturday.... I don't often get to have seafood of any variety, since Doug won't eat it and I tend not to think about ordering it if I'm not at a seafood restaurant; this was a very pleasant indulgence.
  • Various other pleasant indulgences I won't detail. Suffice it to say a good time was had by all. ;-)
  • Seeing Shrek and laughing our fool heads off.
  • Calling Doug Saturday afternoon and having him ask, "Did you read my journal entry today?" He was seriously considering giving it up for a while; I'm really glad he didn't.
  • Having dafydd show off his first paycheck as a permanent employee of SGI, and watching him giggle about it only being one week's pay.

The Bad:

  • Not communicating clearly with Doug, leaving him under the impression that dafydd had to be at AMR at 0700, not 1900, and having him rather disappointed when I wasn't home by midafternoon.
  • Not getting to kiss dafydd goodbye. He was out running errands when I called Doug and he asked me to come home; dafydd and I had planned to grab dinner when he got back, and I had to call him and cancel.

The Ugly:
  • Further signs of how ineffective my current medication is.... After my miscommunication with Doug, I wound up trying to both overcompensate and over-apologize. This is a hallmark of PMS for me, and I was extremely disappointed to see it happen.
  • Signs of increasing short-term memory loss. Perhaps the most disturbing example of this: Saturday night, I look up at the clock and say to myself "Okay, time for my babyrepellant." I get up from my seat next to dafydd's computer (we'd installed T7G and were working on Bishop's Challenge), walked the two steps to where my purse was sitting...and proceded to grab my pillbox and take a fourth (my daily dosage is three, and I'd had the last one several hours earlier) Wellbutrin.
    And didn't realize what I'd done for another half hour.
    I can only find information on Wellbutrin SR, rather than the immediate-release formula I'm taking, and it only lists memory problems as occurring in less than 1% of the test group - but I can't help but think this is related to the medication somehow.

Overall, the good far outweighed the bad, and is at least managing to neutralize the ugly. I really did have a lovely time....

kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (good)
No time to write at length currently about my weekend (and oh, WHAT a weekend!), but I realized I didn't mention something that happened Monday night....

dafydd had a meeting to go to here in SF, and we decided to meet for a late dinner after I dropped Doug off at work. We talked about this, and about that, and the subject of my medication eventually came up. I haven't been doing nearly as well on the basic Wellbutrin as I did on the sustained-release formula, and it's been getting increasingly obvious.

"How much was the SR going to cost you?" he asked. I told him what I thought I remembered, then corrected myself shortly thereafter - the number I was remembering was for three months, not one. (Yeah, it was ugly, but it wasn't that ugly!)

And then I looked at him and said "No."

He chuckled.

"No, damnit. Rose already offered, and I wouldn't let her, either. I'm tired of being everybody's fucking charity case."

And then he took my hand, and he smiled, and he said "Sweetie, if it's what it takes to make you better...."

Jesus, I'm crying again just thinking about it.

So I'm gonna make an appointment with my doctor for after Baycon, and talk to her about getting a fresh scrip for the SR.

And someday, somehow, I'll find a way to repay him.
kshandra: The Burning Man effigy, lit in blue neon, arms by his sides; an orange half-moon is visible over his shoulder. (trio)
I'd been craving pizza all day, so when the Round Table commercial came on the TV and Doug started doing his Homer Simpson impression, the phone was in my hand before the last "a" faded from his lips.

Five minutes later, the phone rings. It's dafydd. "I'm in Alameda, and since I'm this close already, I was wondering if the two of you wanted to go to dinner?"

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it balefully for a few seconds. "No, but you're welcome to come eat pizza...."

So he did, which was nice, since I wasn't expecting to see him again till next Wednesday. Doug and I showed off our anniversary presents; dafydd and I finished off the ice cream I had left in the freezer; and the three of us watched Blazing Saddles on cable. A nice, mellow evening together - which, considering the insane 36 hours dafydd's got ahead of him, was probably just what he needed.

Doug and I finished the last two party CDs after he left; I'll post the playlists in a bit.
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